Lucky Dog 1 translations 03 Ivan Route 06
Part 1: Prison
Chapter 3
Visitor Visit 2
When I enter the visiting room, I see the investigator from before waiting for me.
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Gian: What do you want this time? |
Homer smiles only with the edges of his mouth.
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Gian: Do all federal agents have this much free time? That child-killing scum from last time’s got a nice comfy seat on death row, so we’re all done here, right? |
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Homer: The Board believes the same, but it’s impossible for him to ignore him when he causes a disturbance every day. |
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Gian: And that’s why you’re taking hikes to the slammer? |
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Homer: That is correct. I thought I may as well see you while I’m here. If you have any information like last time, your cooperation would be most appreciated. It can be on any subject matter. |
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Gian: Hah…! I’ve got nothing to say. ‘sides, I’m not gonna rat anyone out. |
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Homer: It doesn’t count as ‘ratting out’ if you’re telling me about the Grave Diggers now, would it? |
There’s something unnatural about that sense of composure and understanding behind his smile.
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Homer: If you cooperate with me, won’t it be of help to the captains and even the boss of your CR:5? |
So he knows I belong to the CR:5. But, he doesn’t know I’m a capo myself now.
Before I even finish my thought, whoosh! Homer suddenly pulls up close to me.
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Homer: The CR:5 is currently in a fairly dire situation because of the string of arrests of their captains… |
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Gian: What about it? |
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Homer: Haven’t you ever wanted to leave the organization? This is your chance. The BOI will guarantee your safety. |
…Like I’d ever trust my neck to someone I know next to nothing about. First of all, I’ve got no intention of betraying the family.
Besides, if I do manage to break outta here, it’s gonna be “my” organization. Not like he’ll ever find out, though…
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Gian: You’ve got no intention of quitting the BOI no matter how much I threaten or persuade you, do you, G-man? It’s the same with me. |
I say this with a sigh. Homer looks awfully let down.
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Homer: I have fallen far, to be scolded by a criminal. |
So he’s the kind of person who pretends to be friendly on the surface but ultimately doesn’t even think we’re the same species… Shit, the guy pisses me off.
But I have to hold back and somehow drag the info I want out of him…
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Gian: Hey, this just came to me… That corpse of yours, is anyone gonna take him? |
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Homer: No. He will be buried with the other unclaimed bodies in an unmarked cemetery at the church. |
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Gian: Huh … you’re gonna be there for the execution? |
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Homer: Perhaps. I have no intention of stepping into the morgue, though. |
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Gian: The morgue… This may come as obvious, but I’ve never been. |
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Homer: It’s just a row of body bags lined up. There’s nothing to say about the sight. When I was still a rookie, though, my superior used to take us there to toughen us up… |
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Gian: Oh? How long’ve you been a fed? |
I spin up some yarn about nothing and manage to pull out several stories about the morgue here.
After that, I humor Homer for a while longer… When I start to feel tired, I leave the visiting room.
Keeping up a conversation with someone who thinks the dirt of you really saps all the energy out of you. The whole thing pisses me off…
<< Back to Chapter 3 – Luchino Visit 1
Onto Chapter 3 – Day 4 Closing >>
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O the tales we tell 
Jan 09, 2012 @ 08:18:01
Great translation. I’ll keep following your progress.
I spotted a minor typo on this page:
[I’m not gonna rat out anyone out.] <– one of the 'out's needs to be taken out.
I have been learning Japanese for two, nearly three, years now and I'd like to join in on translating. Although I'm afraid to say that my Japanese is not yet enough to actively translate, I am well versed in English and I might be able to help spot grammar errors and offer advice when translating Japanese terms. (I'd like to suggest one or two minor changes in Ivan's and Gulio's speech.)
If you don't want anyone to interfere with your translations, I apologise for meddling.
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Jan 09, 2012 @ 11:50:27
Hey there,
Thanks for the interest! I’ll admit that for the later translations, I … the only appropriate term would be “rushed them out,” lol. I don’t usually put them out this fast and I see some error’s been made. Thanks for catching them =)
I’m glad you want to help. I’ll admit that I may want to hog the translating process (because that’s why I started the project in the first place) but if you can help with the English bit, I’d love it =) I have a few friends who read over and point stuff out to me, but the more eyes, the better! I’ve also been told by my teachers that all my characters sound the same in my writing, so I’ve been making an effort on not doing so, but that’s a work in progress.
Contact me by the email on the “about” page?
Hope to hear from you soon!
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Jan 09, 2012 @ 14:41:15
It’s nice to get a reply this soon.
I am currently having issues with my mail program, so I’m afraid I’ll have to put contacting through mail on hold for now. When everything’s solved, I do promise I will contact you by mail. For now we’ll have to stick with this method of contact. I hope you don’t mind.
As I have said in my earlier post, I am not confident dat I can translate chunks of text myself, but when it comes to a few simple sentences, I would probably be able to do it.
Obviously, I’m a fan of LD1. It might sound unneccesary, but I’m familliar with what other people have used in their (partial) translations, which can hopefully help improving your own. While on the subject of improving, I do have suggestions that will make the character’s speech more unique; as in less similar to one another. Do you mind if I share them here?
I will keep checking regulary, so I’ll definitely spot your next post within two days.
On a sidenote, two more errors found on this page (and a suggestion):
[Aand, Homer suddenly pulls up close to me.] <– One 'a' suffices, but if this is kept deliberately long I suggest putting a '~' in there. (Like this: 'A~nd'.)
[…Like I’d ever trust my neck to someone I next to nothing about.] <– the word 'know' is missing. '…someone I know next to nothing about.'
[Not like he’d ever find out, though…] <– This one is not neccesarily wrong. However, it feels strange. I suggest changing 'he'd' to 'he'll', since Gian's talking about the future. At least for me it sounds better that way, but whether or not to follow my advice is up to you.
Until your next post.
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Jan 09, 2012 @ 14:49:40
I’ll correct the things you mentioned, although the first one is more a problem of wording than punctuation. I’ll try to think up something else that’ll work better. Also, I’m trying to not use anything other than the common fare. i.e., no ~ ; i’m also doing my best to avoid emphasis through bold or italics, or hyphens for that matter. Italics are reserved for Italian words. Sorry, I have a lot of quirks in this writing XD
Speaking of other translations, I haven’t taken a look yet. The only one I’ve ever seen is koori_no_kokoro’s lj translation. If you have any suggestions, please do tell. Eventually I’ll get around to watching the Godfather and Goodfellas and Casino, which I have lying around on my harddrive, waiting patiently, but when I do, it’ll probably help too.
It’s a bit odd to keep going at it like this here, since the comments on this site appear unnecessarily large. Do you have AIM or MSN Messenger, perhaps? Or even GChat. If you can’t, though, we can keep at it here.
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Jan 09, 2012 @ 16:15:42
No can do on the AIM, MSN and GChat, I’m afraid. As for your quirks during translating, I’ll keep them in mind.
I suppose I can put down my suggestions on the character’s speech down now, eh? I hope it helps. I won’t provide any examples, just a global idea of the character’s speech patterns.
I realise Gulio is the hardest one to portray, but I think it can be done like this: use formal speech. As in, the talk of an official whose main job is to be of service to the public. Especially when he is talking to Gian, it must feel as if he is a lowly peasant that’s been granted an audience with the king of his country. (Or a butler standing next to his master? Whatever works.)
For Ivan, just be rude and direct. Maybe even trow in a few of country bumpkin words. Easy enough, right?
Bernardo is most likely to use business talk. Make him sound as composed as possible, preferably down-to-earth as well. Don’t make him too stiff though, since that would fit Homer&co better and there has to be room for the usual ‘Honey and Darling’ act.
Luchino’s behaviour can be defined as egoistical, showy and elegant. He is the man of pretty and sparkly things, rooms full of luxurious furniture, stylish clothes and fine wine. Think hollywood or a circus director and you’ll get an idea on what way he has with words.
Our lovable Giancarlo apparantly has a way with twisting words and joking around. He will definitely use a lot of strange sentences and has a tendency to stretch words. (This was also the reason why I wasn’t sure whether or not you had tried to stretch the [and].) He is a prankster and a joker, thus his style will sound childish, playful and tricky. Think along the lines of a mix between Joker (from batman) and an evil genie of the lamp (or something similar) that’ll twist your words if and when you’re not careful (enough).
Please let me know how useful/useless my advice is. I’m always looking for ways to improve myself.
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Jan 09, 2012 @ 17:54:21
While I understand what you’re saying, the problem is the question “how do you show this.” I’ll keep your suggestions in mind, though. I don’t think Ivan is quite a country bumpkin =P But more what you’d expect from … well, a rather vulgar gangster. I’ll watch the Dark Knight again while I’m at it XD
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Jan 10, 2012 @ 02:41:03
Haha, you’re right on the country bumpkin part. I wasn’t completely sure on how to explain that part of Ivan, but you got it much better than I did. I don’t think keeping the talk in the right style is something that’s impossible to do. The way I would shape their sentences would go something like this: translate the general meaning of the words –> make proper English sentences –> list alternative words and phrases –> choose the right style –> check for grammar errors.
Would this help? I will help check/improve their speech regardless of what you deceide to do…
On a small sidenote: don’t be startled with my timings of posting, I live in Europe and there’s a nine hour time difference between us. Right now it’s 8:40 am here while at your place it must be 20 minutes before midnight.
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Jan 10, 2012 @ 03:14:16
This isn’t my first time translating, so I know the general pattern to follow. It doesn’t mean the writing will be 100% clean by the end, as there will always be mistakes, but the process is something I’ve been using for a while. What I’d stated originally wasn’t so much about process so much as creativity, skill, and experience. I never said it was impossible. Just not something I excel at. Whatever the case, I’m doing my best at it in this translation.
On a side note, we’re at a 6 hour time difference. I’m a night owl, so it was 2:40AM when you messaged me.
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Jan 10, 2012 @ 04:02:43
Oh, I got the time zone wrong after all. Even so it’s still quite a bit of a difference. 6 hours…
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Jan 10, 2012 @ 11:05:24
I hope I’m not sounding like a know-it-all. If there’s anything that I could help witth, please let me know.
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Jan 03, 2013 @ 19:11:25
“Gian: What do you want this time?”
your D
“Homer: It doesn’t count as ‘ratting out’ if you’re telling me about the Grave Diggers now, would it?”
Iiii don’t think he gets how the mafia works. If you ratted your enemies out to the cops there would be more prisons than schools and hospitals put together.
“So he knows I belong to the CR:5. “
gIAN MY ROOMMATE KNOWS YOU BELONG TO THE CR:5 BECAUSE HE SAW YOUR ICON OVER MY SHOULDER YOU HAVE A LITERAL CR:5 TRAMPSTAMP FOR ALL EYES TO SEE ON YOUR COLLARBONE WHICH IS PERPETUALLY EXPOSED BECAUSE NO ONE WILL BOTHER DRESS YOU PROPERLY SINCE YOU END UP WALKING AWAY WITH THESE CLOTHES ANYWAY WAKE UP GODDAMNIT AND SMELL THE BACON
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